Throughout the past two weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about Kobe Bryant; his life and recent, tragic death; what he stood for beyond the court. His transcendence from a kid playing basketball into a global icon, cultural phenomenon, then fatherhood figurehead. A symbol of work ethic and greatness manifesting into indelible legacy. What other non-world leader do we collectively recognize as a symbol of such greatness? This man is a modern-day Hercules. People like Kobe aren’t supposed to die like the rest of us. He’s supposed to be invincible! And what’s worse: his daughter was killed, along with seven other people who each had families and meaningful lives.
Life in Los Angeles in the wake of this tragedy can be best described as bleary-eyed. The city is shaken from the sudden absence of one its pillars. I just saw, in Chicago of all places, a dozen people spray-painting a massive mural “Black Mamba Forever.” Twitter and Instagram seem to indicate that the entire world is mourning.
It feels like the bottom came out on us for a moment. Life can be huge. Beautiful. But then it can be fickle and stop on a moment’s notice. If there’s anything that can be gleaned from this tragedy, perhaps it’s to remember to enjoy our time here. It’s easy to forget that these superhuman heroes are people just like us. And maybe what makes them appear superhuman is not that they’re better than anyone else, could it be possible that they’re more in touch with their innermost selves? Better able to manage their innermost demons. Anyone can put a ball in a hoop. But to manage everything else in the life of someone like Kobe Bryant is marvelous task indeed.
Anxiety is something that I have been brushing aside for many years. Through careful self-examination, I came to realize that I was not thinking about life in the kindest of ways. For me, life has been predicated on either wins or losses. This is an unkind, overly-critical way of thinking, yet one that became convenient to latch onto as a young, freelance artist and small business owner. It’s especially easy to look at the successes of others and ask yourself, “why is that not me?” The pursuit of perfection is a treacherous road to tread upon. And comparison is even worse.
So, I wrote in to screenwriters and hosts of ‘Scriptnotes’ podcast (a long-running favorite of mine), John August and Craig Mazin.
“Dear John & Craig,
I'm a 29 year-old, aspiring writer - who is currently working a “job with value” (per episode 432) for a major TV network here in LA. I am not gainfully employed as a writer, but am hoping to one day be.
For much of my adult life, I’ve been dealing with some form of manageable anxiety. To cope, I have always brushed these feelings aside. After all, it's easier to blame the news cycle, Twitter, a bad relationship, or some other external influence. I’d tell myself things like, “This must be a part of what makes me me!” Or, “Aren't the most shining archetypes of writers always folks battling and embracing their own demons in one way or another?” After years of brushing my anxiety issues under the rug, with little work to show for myself, I thought it time to reconsider my practices.
During the past few months I’ve started seeing a therapist, practicing yoga three or four times a week, journaling daily, and exploring the many realms of meditation. Before these practices, it felt like I had been subconsciously wearing a heavy jacket of tension that forced me to suffer in silence. Paying attention to mindfulness seems to be impacting my life in a dramatic, positive way. I now feel happier, healthier, and more able to connect with my inner voice. A lot of credit for me taking the step to see a therapist goes to your discussion in episode 99 (one of my favorites) with Dennis Palumbo. So, THANK YOU!
Out of curiosity, what sort of mindfulness practices do you both engage in? I apologize if you have already talked about this in some form and it missed me.”
Not only did they answer the question on their podcast episode #434, but they even titled the episode “Ambition and Anxiety.” Whether you’re a writer or not, I invite you to listen; I found incredible value in their responses.
You can listen to the episode here: https://johnaugust.com/2020/ambition-and-anxiety.
Here’s a brief list of a few other things I’ve been enjoying since my last email blast:
Talk more soon.
Jordan